captivated, I am

It's said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been... but what if the man who's faced with what was... or what may never be... or what can no longer be... choosing the right path is never easy, it's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us... but sometimes we find our way to something better... sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy, and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be... and that's when we find our way to something better... or when something better finds its way to us
-One Tree Hill

Each day, I learn things about you & I am more convinced than ever that what I`m feeling is not mere infatuation. Though you pissed me off big time yesterday, I can still find forgiveness somewhere deep in my heart because I know you deserve another chance. Maybe someday, you`d understand the complexity of my mind, or maybe not at all. It doesn`t matter much now, just as long as I have you with me. I am just grateful to have you here. ( "do you miss me, Fit?" "no, I don`t. Pls get over yourself." "you`re lying to me. Swear to God you don`t miss me." "I don`t." "Swear to God" "No. I don`t want to swear." "See, you`re blushing" "No, I`m not & can you please stop pinching me?").

I close my eyes, inhale, & feel a rush of heat & energy that takes my breath away. It is the feeling of wanting something so much that it borders on an actual need, & the power & urgency of this need overwhelms me. I not only want to see this as a surge of passion, but also as a commitment to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in my way.